How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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