Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
