im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
