as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
