you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
