your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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