When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
