your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
as a side note pls kill me
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