wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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