Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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