I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We need to get me chipped asap
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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