So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
