His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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