Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
