I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
