The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
