end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
