I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
