I think my vagina is haunted
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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