I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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