i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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