I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
