You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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