she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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