there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
