I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
