So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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