I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize