ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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