I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize