I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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