I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
