connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
