you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize