it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
FUCK WHALES
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
