So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
last night I used snow as a chaser
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
