i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
