I think my fart just growled at me.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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