Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
