I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
