5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
