so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize