Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize