You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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