Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
