all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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