this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
