the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
