I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
