i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
