my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
