Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
NoShamevember. You game?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
