just tell him i said nine months
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
