Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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