I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
