i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
