someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize