I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
