I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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