he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she peed on how many people?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
