I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize