She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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