Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
