I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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