do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
